All three of you: Be happy
by to overdose on earl grey
Summary: "If you were flipping your shit earlier, you're going completely berserk and flipping the ice cream of small children, even though it's falling on the ground, they're crying about it, and you aren't some weird child-hating freak, because you need to flip SOMETHING, and you're all out of shit." Shitty summary, I know.
1. Your name is Dave Strider

Your name is DAVE STRIDER. You are the coolest guy you(or anyone else) have ever met. You have short, blonde hair that is always parted to the side, red eyes which are never not obscured by dark shades, and when you aren't dawned in the red outfit you received when you reached the GOD TIER, you are wearing an awesome red sleeved T with a broken record on the front.

You love music, more specifically, REMIXING IT. You also make comics. Or you used to. It's kind of hard to make comics and remix songs when you're stuck on an ASTEROID without your TURN TABLES, or anything useful for digital media. The computers here are completely useless for any most things other than communication; which isn't something you have trouble with amidst this shitty clusterfuck.

Your best bro is JOHN EGBERT, a short, friendly derp with horrible taste in movies, who somehow manages to be intelligent and dumb as fuck at the same time, and the only person capable of leading your four-pack of dumbasses. The little dude is also the one who gave you your aviators for your birthday. For the last MONTH OR SO, he has seemed hell bent on being the one person you can't seem to actually contact on this god forsaken rock. This has caused you to spend ample time with TEREZI PYROPE, a blind, female troll who seems to be the only person here for you to turn to lately, because everyone else seems to have gone completely apeshit.

Your biological sister is ROSE LALONDE, an extremely intelligent girl, who loves to psychoanalyze people, is dating KANAYA MARYAM, and is hands down the most brilliant organism on your asteroid; aside from yourself, that is..

You frequently fight with KARKAT VANTAS, an extremely shot male troll with anger management problems. You know he isn't actually a bad person, but you find him to be a truly INSUFFERABLE PRICK, and you can tell he has some major problems with your bro. You also suspect he may play a role in Egderp's sudden distance, given the fact that before he disconnected, everything that came out of his mouth to your was more gush over that asshole.

RED is your favorite color, puppets freak you out, most of your time(which you have more of than you could possibly wish for) is spent in the company of aliens with horns that make you think of candy corn, you're constantly enveloped in deep thought, which not many people know happens to you, you are one of the only four humans currently in existence, and you are the KNIGHT OF TIME.

What will you do?


	2. Your name is Karkat Vantas

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS. You have shaggy black hair(which seems obvious, considering your species, but then again, trolls are "always on the hemospectrum," a fact which you're living proof is prevarication) that you don't bother to do anything with, and grey eyes that are slowly turning RED, aka, your blood color. You always wear a gray, long-sleeved shirt with your zodiac sign for CANCER on it, which looks like 69 rotated ninety degrees clockwise. The sign is also that of the sufferer, the only other troll known to have your blood color, who is most likely your ancestor.

You yell at people and act angry most of the time in a failed attempt to pass as normal. You used to spend a lot of time making MEMOS, and arguing with your past and future selves on them, until JADE HARLEY, an eccentric human female with canine features, who is most likely the person who pisses you off least at the moment, started getting in the way. You have a passion for ROMCOMS, a surprisingly large number of which you managed to salvage from your universe.

Your "MOIRAIL" is a completely shithive maggots clown wannabe, who killed several of your friends, named GAMZEE MAKARA. The only reason you allow him to fill one of your quadrants is because you seem to be the only one who can get him to calm the fuck down and stop killing people. You want nothing to do with him, and the more you think about it, the more you feel like someone in one of the more serious romances you watch.

You have felt black for JOHN EGBERT, a downright retarded fuckass of a human boy, and your "co-leader" for almost two whole sweeps now, and finally got him to enter the caliginous quadrant with you almost 28 days ago.

You frequently argue with DAVE STRIDER, a smug human boy with a poker face you are determined to one day break. You can't fucking stand that guy and his shitty attitude, however, you are not about to commit black infidelity, even though it would probably serve as a way to make you kismesis hate you more, seeing as the bastard is his "bro," which you assume is the human equivalent of a moirail. You are so fucking jealous of their functional moirailship.

You live on an asteroid, crowded and alone, everyone you know pisses you off to a degree, you only have one quadrant left to fill(because let's face it: auspiticing is always temporary, and you can't really view it as a quadrant to be "filled"), but you're pretty sure one of the ones you have filled is shitty, because you hate(in a non-romantic way) your moirail, and you're also pretty sure your idiot doesn't hate you, so there goes another. You spend most of your time re-watching romcoms because you've already watched them all, despite the astounding number you have, and you try your best to avoid interaction with most people aside from Jade, KANAYA MARYAM, and Egbert. You are the KNIGHT OF BLOOD, but that is quite unimportant, since you never made the god tier.

What will you do?


	3. Your name is John Egbert

Your name is JOHN EGBERT. You have short, black hair, have an overbite, and always wear large, square glasses. Not cool shades like your best friend, DAVE STRIDER, just glasses. You usually wear your blue GOD TIER outfit.

You like to spend time with your friends, and do whatever you can to help them, although, lately you haven't been around them much. You have a passion for ACTION MOVIES, especially those from the eighties, and those with NICK CAGE in them. You like to spend a lot of time in dream bubbles talking about these with VRISKA SERKET, an outwardly abrasive troll girl you met just before she died a few years ago, and no one told you until recently. You're pretty sure she's _with_ dead you from the timeline where TEREZI PYROPE tricked you into dying.

Just as was already explained, your best friend is Dave Strider, who is definitely the COOLEST GUY YOU KNOW. Not for the reasons others know about though. He is pretty cool outwardly, but you're bros with him on a deeper lever. He's always been there, even when he wasn't anywhere nearby, and he actually cares about you. You suppose that since you've already been sucked into the twisted mess that is troll romance, you may as well start thinking of him as your MOIRAIL.

Approximately 28 days ago, you, in a screwed up way, got together with KARKAT VANTAS, your soul mate. You're so LUCKY that even after three years apart, he still HATES you. Even if he bears no pleasant feelings towards you, and even if he's extremely rough with you and enjoys your pain, at least he wants you in a similar way as you want him. He wants your time, he wants your mind, and he wants your body.

Your biological sister is JADE HARLEY, an old friend of yours, whom you only saw in person for the first time three years ago, when you escaped your session. She is quirky, sweet, and loves squiddles, a surprising amount which she managed to salvage from your universe. Around the time you physically met each other, she acquired dog features, and reached the GOD TIER. People can think what they want; she may be nerdy, girly, and have the fur, tail and ears of a dog, and she may be narcoleptic, but she is BEAUTIFUL.

You don't ever really fight with people, although you suppose you have a problem with GAMZEE MAKARA. You try to avoid him, because he makes you uncomfortable(he has dead bodies!). And by problem, you mean you sort of wish he never existed. There would be more people on the asteroid without him, and you know for a fact that Karkat doesn't actually feel moirailship towards him, and wants to be rid of him(for good reason!).

You suppose you're a LEADER, your relationsSHIT is obviously not going to last, you feel crowded and alone, you have been avoiding your bro for a reason even you don't really know for over a month, your sister is perfect, you have virtually no self esteem, and you are the HEIR OF BREATH.

What will you do?


	4. John: Be Dave Strider

You are now Dave Strider. What next?

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tenacleTherapist [TT]

TG: dude

TT: Yes, Dave?

TG: youve noticed john right?

TT: Well, it is kind of hard not to notice one of your oldest living friends.

TG: cut the bullshit lalonde

TG: you know what im talking about

TT: I suppose I do.

TG: well

TT: What?

TG: youre the fucking seer

TG: be all allknowing and shit

TG: i mean

TG: johns all reclusive as fuck and

TT: Should I take this as a prompt to order you around?

TG: if thats what you want to call it, then fine

TG: i was thinking something more along the lines of

TG: enlightening me of the most beneficial path to take

TT: Just ask him.

TG: okay

TG: i guess that was coming.

turntechGod [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

You sit around for about thirty minutes, contemplating how to even approach this type of situation. Usually it's the other way around; the derp's trying to find out what's on your mind, since you don't generally tell unless prodded. Usually you're the aloof one, and he's the one trying to get basic, everyday information, and it's never the other way around, seeing as John is always the one with something that needs to be said anyway. Needless to say, you have no idea what to do in the reverse situation.

In the end, you just roll over onto your stomach in the bed, and decide to wing it. You pull out your phone, and get things started.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

TG: hey

EB: hi dave

EB: what's up?

TG: not much

TG: same as always aboard this shitty asteroid

TG: but whatever

TG: what about you

EB: ?

TG: just

TG: whats up?

EB: pretty much the same as you.

TG: dude

TG: we should hand out

TG: like in person for once

TG: youre so distant lately

EB: um….. okay.

EB: but you sound suspicious

TG: dude no

TG: cant a guy hang out with his bro

TG: his bro whos been acting way more sketchy than he accuses said guy to be

EB: how have i been acting sketchy?

TG: wrong word

TG: youre hiding yourself in an opaque shroud of secrecy and aloofness

EB: and you're obviously high.

TG: Since it's obvious you won't agree to an organized conversation

TG: I guess I'll just have to find you.

TG: shit will go down

TG: it'll be real as kraft fucking mayo.

ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

Since your bro's being difficult, you'll apparently be searching for his skinny ass in the not-so-distant future. You're gonna make him spill the beans, and you won't go easy on him like you normally would. Bros don't hide from bros, and nobody avoids a Strider.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

TG: dude

TG: dude

EB: hey…

EB: you done being weird yet?

TG: you done acting all out of character and enigmatic yet

EB: stop it dave

EB: im not doing anything

TG: im going to make you spill the beans

TG: you will spill them so hard

TG: and I will pick them up before you have a chance to try

TG: I will take all of those dry, uncooked mofos

TG: and I will cook them my self

TG: and I will eat them all by myself as ell

TG: because stingy fucks don't get beans.

EB: oh my god dave. Stop.

EB: you suck at metaphors.

TG: that shit isn't the point, and you know it

TG: the point is you spilling your shit bro

ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]


	5. Dave: Be John

You are now John, and you are flipping your shit.

You've witnessed Dave's persistence at work once before, when people first started harassing you in seventh grade, and even though he wasn't able to be there and do something about it, he pestered you for hours, until he finally managed to coax you onto Skype and force you to tell him about it. It was like he meticulously searched for a plug, found it, and everything started coming out. You told him _everything_. How you didn't do anything, or tell anyone, or act the least bit suspicious, but apparently the people there could, in their words "sniff out a gay from a mile away." And when you started crying, he didn't call you weak, or say anything at all for that matter; you're pretty sure he didn't know what to say, because you wouldn't either. After that, it became a routine that every time one of these incidents occurred, you would get on Skype when you got home, and Dave would always be logged in. And you NEVER told anyone else.

You know he won't let this go. He'll keep pushing until you tell him everything, just like before, only this time he's here. You aren't sure whether to be happy about that, or upset. On one hand, you finally have your bro here, and you know he'll do anything to keep you safe. On the other hand, you don't want to be saved. You want this. You love Karkat, and he can have whatever, whenever he wants anything from you, however he wants it.

It really sucks that within your first couple months of getting to see Dave in person, you're already avoiding him, and how the fuck do you hide from someone on an asteroid anyway? Avoiding someone who isn't looking for you is one thing, but hiding from someone who's searching in the assiduous way a Strider does everything a Strider deems worth doing is another. And if _he_ can't find you, his loyal follower will. Seriously, Terezi's nose is fucking amazing, and no matter where you hide, that girl WILL sniff you out.

The only ideas you can think of are the two stupidest things you've ever thought. You could dip yourself in one of the lab thingies, to cover up your scent, then run away from the small area of the meteor in which your group resides, but that idea failed at dip yourself in the lab thingies. Not to mention you would probably die alone in the asteroid in less than a week. The other was to hide in Gamzee's room, where no one would follow, but that idea was also tossed away quickly, due to the mere mention of Gamzee. You are NOT going near that freak.

The "smartest" idea you can come up with, is to just surrender, and wait for him to find you in your room. However, the thing is it's not such a smart idea thinking in terms of your relationship with Karkat.

Regardless, you stay motionless, splayed across your small bedding, in the corner of your pimple of a room. Dave would inevitably find you anyway.

Eventually, which seems like a while but is probably no more than fifteen minutes, Dave strides in through your door, and closes it behind him.


	6. John: Be Dave again

You are now Dave, yet again, and you are flipping some shit as well.

For a few minutes, you sort of amble around the small occupied part of the asteroid, once again engrossed in the depths of your mind, searching frantically for a course of action to act upon. Sure, you've experienced this before, but it wasn't the same. Also, it was about five years ago. Since then, he's told you everything, and you're not really sure what you did to get it out of him then. And then what do you do? On Skype, you really just sit there and take it, but you aren't on Skype. You're here. You suppose that once again, you'll just have to wing it.

After this "revelation," you begin to actually search. It must be your ironically lucky day, because you find John the first place you look. Laying across his small bed, in his smaller room, limbs in all directions, staring at the ceiling.

After closing the door quietly, you do the Strider thing; stride. Right over to the side of the bed he seems to have mistaken for that place where gymnastics people stretch before a game or whatever. You don't know shit about sports.

You stand there like the coolest idiot ever for about a full minute.

"Um-"

"Dude we need to talk." It's out. Was that so hard? In hindsight, not really. The buildup sucked, but it came out of your mouth effortlessly.

He doesn't say anything, but he does respond in a way. He scoots over and gives you this look. You won't pretend you know what it means. If you were a look reader, which you aren't, you'd probably say it said, "I know." but you aren't, and you aren't about to be that presumptuous either.

You aren't quite sure what to do, so you just sort of kick your shoes off, and sit crisscross next to him on the bed, and keep talking.

"You've been avoiding me." You aren't sure if that's a statement, or a question. All you get back is a grunt, as he sits up, and gets into crisscross as well. You don't know what the grunt means, which fits, because what the hell does anything else mean either?

"Why?" John's eyes sort of widen, only a little, and he goes slightly stiff. He isn't saying anything, but he isn't really holding it back either. You can practically see the resolve around him.

"I." _yeah John? You what? _You don't voice these thoughts of course. That is not how you get someone to say shit. Especially Egderp. You just wait. Like you always have, and have always been rewarded for.

Feeling somewhat restless, you hesitantly reach over and put a hand on his shoulder. He does this weird, half flinch thing, but you look past it; he's been through some shit in the past. Regardless of what people may presume, you actually DO like physical contact. Not in some creepy sexual way, or anything, you just like it. You assume John does too. He seems like that kind of person.

"Don't freak out or anything. I just really don't wanna deal with that, and I don't want things to change, and I don't need things to be meddled with. I don't mean that you're meddlesome, but I don't really know how you're gonna react to this, and it's way nothing like anything I've said before" He's rambling again. He did this a lot over the two years spent on Skype, trying to say things he didn't want to think about. And you already knew it'd be different. How the hell would Ethan, or Nick or any of those other bastards be able to spit in his face and put on their cigarettes on his stomach when last anyone had heard of them, they'd been left for dead on Earth?

"John. You know I can't just not do shit. After everything you've been though, anything that fucks your brain this much needs to be dealt with." Anything serious enough to even register to him in not to be blown off.

Another pair of those eyes that are possibly saying they know.

"I'm in love with Karkat." You would have said something along the lines of 'no shit' or 'yeah, so?' You don't though, because you need him to keep talking. Or rather, he needs to keep talking, and it's your duty as bro to make sure he does.

"And he doesn't love me," You roll your eyes. All of this is stuff you know. Thank the gods(not really. Fuck them. Assholes. Thank John, he gave you them) for your wonderful shades, "in fact, quite the opposite. He hates me."

Oh hell no. This is not going where you think it is. No. Fuck no. HELL. FUCKING. NO. You knew he used feel black for John, but that's the point. Used to. God fucking damn it.


End file.
